Okay, so we finally finished the cleanse on Sunday. Because of everything that's been going on, I didn't really feel like getting on with my petty complaints about detoxing. But I figure I should close it out somehow.
Right now, we feel good. The half-way point was probably the worst. We never did reach that point of feeling clear and enlightened and wonderful or whatever people say they feel while they are cleansing. I think it's safe to say that I will never belong with this crowd, and I will probably never do something like this again. I can't deal with the same flavor for ten straight days. I don't get enough of a high or the right amount of self-satisfaction that the stereotypical health nuts get from depriving themselves of things. I think they gain validation in abstaining. As for me, I believe life is too short to be a crazy vegan health nut, and I also think that many of those people are not as healthy as they think they are.
My biggest complaint was the lack of caffeine in my life. The actual caffeine withdrawal lasted about four days, and after that I just really missed the deliciousness of the coffee and the comfort of the ritual. Matt and I always have a cup after breakfast to start the day. If I'm working early in the morning, it accompanies me on my commute. Coffee is just one of those things. So while some will squawk about caffeine addiction, I'm just not willing to worry about it.
We used to share a bottle of wine almost every night, but we kicked it during the cleanse. Now we will have a glass or two every couple days. I feel a lot better. I've also noticed I'm more inclined to drink the right amount of water every day. I think this is another habit I picked up, for whatever reason, while we were detoxing.
The first chocolate I had tasted AMAZING, but I feel a have a little more self control with the sweets. This shall be put to the test this weekend, when my mom and I bake the most amazing Christmas cookies you've ever seen.
What else? I have a better gauge of how much I need to eat (not nearly as much), and how often I need to eat. Detoxing always makes a person more sensitive to unhealthy things, and that's a big plus for me. The sensation is not quite as much as I expected. All the advice makes it seem like food is going to be this super traumatic thing and that it will take almost a week to get back to your normal eating habits. Matt and I were back to normal in about 3 days. We took probiotics and just went a little at a time. I had some very minor stomach cramping the first day off the cleanse, but that was the only issue. I wish it had been harder, actually. I wish the idea of rich food nauseated me. Oh well. Vegetables and I had a very happy reunion. Hopefully this doesn't all go to waste over the holidays. I plan on enjoying the spread, but maybe this time it can be within reason. This year I can't afford to gain the Christmas weight. Perhaps there's something to do in Idaho besides eat and drink. I guess we'll find out!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Day 5
Mood: Impatient
Many people who have done the Master Cleanse talk a lot about the hunger pangs. We haven't had those. Day 5 and I'm still not hungry. But I'm soooo sick of that lemonade. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather die of hunger than have another glass of it. I miss food. The other thing people talk about are the cravings. They give examples like cheeseburgers, pizza, and ice cream. But all I want is some fish and some brussels sprouts. Or some butternut squash. That doesn't seem so unreasonable, does it? Am I not detoxing and thus not experiencing the detox symptom of wanting disgusting crap? Or am I just not that toxic after all? That's making this seem even harder. I think it would be easier if we were craving things that are bad for us. It's harder to justify turning down lean protein and vegetables.
The tired feeling has lessened. The want for coffee has not. I still feel cranky because I want to cook a nice hot meal for us to sit down for at the end of the day. Not a cold fucking glass of fucking lemonade.
How about that salt water flush taking over my life? Its effect on my body has become less predictable every day, instead of more consistent. Hopefully that problem will resolve itself.
I thought I was in a better mood until I got part way through writing this. Many different articles say that day 5 is usually a vast improvement over days 2, 3, and 4. I seem to still be bitter and cranky. I would love some new flavors in my life.
Half-way through. Word has it that it all gets better from here. We shall see.
Many people who have done the Master Cleanse talk a lot about the hunger pangs. We haven't had those. Day 5 and I'm still not hungry. But I'm soooo sick of that lemonade. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather die of hunger than have another glass of it. I miss food. The other thing people talk about are the cravings. They give examples like cheeseburgers, pizza, and ice cream. But all I want is some fish and some brussels sprouts. Or some butternut squash. That doesn't seem so unreasonable, does it? Am I not detoxing and thus not experiencing the detox symptom of wanting disgusting crap? Or am I just not that toxic after all? That's making this seem even harder. I think it would be easier if we were craving things that are bad for us. It's harder to justify turning down lean protein and vegetables.
The tired feeling has lessened. The want for coffee has not. I still feel cranky because I want to cook a nice hot meal for us to sit down for at the end of the day. Not a cold fucking glass of fucking lemonade.
How about that salt water flush taking over my life? Its effect on my body has become less predictable every day, instead of more consistent. Hopefully that problem will resolve itself.
I thought I was in a better mood until I got part way through writing this. Many different articles say that day 5 is usually a vast improvement over days 2, 3, and 4. I seem to still be bitter and cranky. I would love some new flavors in my life.
Half-way through. Word has it that it all gets better from here. We shall see.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Day 3
Mood: Somewhat Positive
The main complaint is our energy level right now, which is something that isn't really talked about, but is apparently a detox symptom. The lack of caffeine and carbs has us feeling somewhat exhausted. This has led me to realize that I'm completely addicted to pasta. We are also realizing that we don't miss certain things that we thought we "needed" every day. Like wine, for instance. I'd like to think that we can live without caffeine, but I just don't think that's our reality. The nature of what we both do has many mental ups and downs throughout the day, and this is very hard to manage without a caffeine or sugar spike. I can live without the sugar, but I think caffeine is very necessary.
That being said, today is a little better than yesterday. We still do not feel hungry. Night time has been the hardest so far, since that is the time we snack. For us, part of the goal of the cleanse was to eliminate this need to snack. I think by the end, we will have it beat.
Our tongues have turned white and fuzzy! Apparently, when they've turned pink and clear, we will know we have successfully detoxed.
The salt water flush, while I'm still psyching myself out right before, was easier to get through today. So while ten days seems long, we are taking it a day at a time and making progress.
The main complaint is our energy level right now, which is something that isn't really talked about, but is apparently a detox symptom. The lack of caffeine and carbs has us feeling somewhat exhausted. This has led me to realize that I'm completely addicted to pasta. We are also realizing that we don't miss certain things that we thought we "needed" every day. Like wine, for instance. I'd like to think that we can live without caffeine, but I just don't think that's our reality. The nature of what we both do has many mental ups and downs throughout the day, and this is very hard to manage without a caffeine or sugar spike. I can live without the sugar, but I think caffeine is very necessary.
That being said, today is a little better than yesterday. We still do not feel hungry. Night time has been the hardest so far, since that is the time we snack. For us, part of the goal of the cleanse was to eliminate this need to snack. I think by the end, we will have it beat.
Our tongues have turned white and fuzzy! Apparently, when they've turned pink and clear, we will know we have successfully detoxed.
The salt water flush, while I'm still psyching myself out right before, was easier to get through today. So while ten days seems long, we are taking it a day at a time and making progress.
Friday, December 7, 2012
It's only Day 2!?
Mood: cranky!
I am already getting pretty sick of this lemonade. It lacks any of the comfort of a meal, and it's the same damn thing all day. I should count my blessings, as I still don't feel at all hungry. In fact I have to remind myself to have the lemonade so I can drink my minimum amount.
The salt water flush was even worse today. It took me a while to emotionally prepare myself for it. I only have to do it 8 more times.
Days 2 and 3 are supposed to be the worst, so I've been telling myself this all day. I don't think I'll ever do this cleanse thing again. The combination of lack of caffeine, not enough sleep all week, and the detox symptoms is making us very tired. The lack of a hot food is making us cranky. Needless to say, morale is low.
The one plus is that I don't have to worry about the health-woes of eating catering on set. I can only have my peppery lemonade!
Ugh. I don't even feel motivated to write. I guess that's all you get for now. I'm waiting to see if we feel better tomorrow.
I am already getting pretty sick of this lemonade. It lacks any of the comfort of a meal, and it's the same damn thing all day. I should count my blessings, as I still don't feel at all hungry. In fact I have to remind myself to have the lemonade so I can drink my minimum amount.
The salt water flush was even worse today. It took me a while to emotionally prepare myself for it. I only have to do it 8 more times.
Days 2 and 3 are supposed to be the worst, so I've been telling myself this all day. I don't think I'll ever do this cleanse thing again. The combination of lack of caffeine, not enough sleep all week, and the detox symptoms is making us very tired. The lack of a hot food is making us cranky. Needless to say, morale is low.
The one plus is that I don't have to worry about the health-woes of eating catering on set. I can only have my peppery lemonade!
Ugh. I don't even feel motivated to write. I guess that's all you get for now. I'm waiting to see if we feel better tomorrow.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Master Cleanse Day 1
Mood: Fine
We are nearing the end of day 1 of The Master Cleanse. I have to say the first day was not as rough as I thought it would be. I am currently drinking a glass of lemonade instead of enjoying a pile of homemade spaghetti, or roasted chicken with caramelized brussels sprouts. While its weird to not sit down to some nice hot food when its meal time, and its also strange not to observe meal time at all, I'm not feeling all that hungry. That's a relief. Also, there's the great benefit of almost no dishes! Yay!
The salt water flush at the beginning of the day involves pounding a quart of water with 2 teaspoons of salt dissolved into it. I know this is going to continue to be the hardest part. It is AWFUL!! For Matt, it's the taste. For me, it's trying to drink a quart of warm water. My stomach started to feel full about 1/4 of the way through, and the fact that the mixture was warm added to the unpleasant sensation. It's not unlike trying to chug soup broth. (Mmmn... soup. Sounds amazing.) It's a terrible, terrible way to start the day. It did do its job though. You have to give yourself a two hour window between drinking it and leaving the house, so that's another annoyance. I like my sleep.
The other thing I'm struggling with today is the lack of caffeine. I'm sooo tired today! I know that will go away in a few days. The lemonade mixture (fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne, and water) isn't terrible. It would be drastically improved with the addition of tequila, but it could be worse. I am grateful for the kick of cayenne, which we've always liked the flavor of anyway. How long we feel this way about our only food remains to be seen.
Its too soon to see any benefits, but so far we aren't suffering. We are 1/10th through this thing. Hopefully we can keep it up.
See you tomorrow! I'll be missing my morning coffee and oats.
We are nearing the end of day 1 of The Master Cleanse. I have to say the first day was not as rough as I thought it would be. I am currently drinking a glass of lemonade instead of enjoying a pile of homemade spaghetti, or roasted chicken with caramelized brussels sprouts. While its weird to not sit down to some nice hot food when its meal time, and its also strange not to observe meal time at all, I'm not feeling all that hungry. That's a relief. Also, there's the great benefit of almost no dishes! Yay!
The salt water flush at the beginning of the day involves pounding a quart of water with 2 teaspoons of salt dissolved into it. I know this is going to continue to be the hardest part. It is AWFUL!! For Matt, it's the taste. For me, it's trying to drink a quart of warm water. My stomach started to feel full about 1/4 of the way through, and the fact that the mixture was warm added to the unpleasant sensation. It's not unlike trying to chug soup broth. (Mmmn... soup. Sounds amazing.) It's a terrible, terrible way to start the day. It did do its job though. You have to give yourself a two hour window between drinking it and leaving the house, so that's another annoyance. I like my sleep.
The other thing I'm struggling with today is the lack of caffeine. I'm sooo tired today! I know that will go away in a few days. The lemonade mixture (fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne, and water) isn't terrible. It would be drastically improved with the addition of tequila, but it could be worse. I am grateful for the kick of cayenne, which we've always liked the flavor of anyway. How long we feel this way about our only food remains to be seen.
Its too soon to see any benefits, but so far we aren't suffering. We are 1/10th through this thing. Hopefully we can keep it up.
See you tomorrow! I'll be missing my morning coffee and oats.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The Cleansing
When Life Gave Us Lemons, this is not what it had in mind.
Mood: Tense
Matt and I have decided to try The Master Cleanse. It's one of the hip things to do, if you are an L.A. douche bag like ourselves. I had heard other people talk about it and simply scoffed. After all, who doesn't get tired of people talking about their fad diets and "cleanses"? Doesn't the body cleanse itself? Hasn't the human race been around a long time before this trendy desire to "detox"?
I found myself in a predicament when we slated a music video shoot for our feature, 'how the SKY will melt.' I got skinny for the October shoot, but by now I've gained most of it back, and Christmas still stands between us and the shoot. How will I get to where I need to be in three weeks? How will I stop myself from consuming 8.5 million cookies and 7 pounds of butter and cream-laden savories over the holidays? Cue The Master Cleanse. It doesn't have any bad wrap medically, and people we've talked to love it. While we were gathering supplies at Trader Joe's, some employees recognized what we were doing, because they had done it themselves or were still in the process. They were eager to share their experience and wholeheartedly encouraged us to go ahead with it. So why not? Let's juice some lemons and see what happens.
Here's what it is. Basically your only calorie intake comes from a concoction of lemons, real maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. In the morning you pound salt water, and at night you drink a laxative tea. I almost died of embarrassment when I purchased my "smooth move" tea. This is supposed aid the flushing process, as in, get cozy with the bathroom. It's basically ten days of completely cleaning out your digestive system. It sounds like the most un-appealing way to shed pounds that I can think of. However, the results are supposed to be amazing, and you lose your appetite for all of the crap for a while afterward. So it solves my needing to shed the extra peanut butter cups and pumpkin pie, in addition to keeping me in control while we are home for the holidays. So why not give it a go?
I truly do not know if I'm the kind of person that can go 10 days without solid food. I LOVE food. It's not that I eat all that horribly, but I have always been a foodie with a big appetite. Matt and I love trying new things. Food is my comfort and my safe place. Cooking is a passion. Our penchant for cooking shows is no help. When I try to "be good", it puts me in an agonizing emotional roller coaster. I'm so bad at controlling myself, no matter how badly I think I want to. Then I enter the classic cycle of feeling terrible about myself, and you know how it goes.
Come hell or high water, we start tomorrow. I am keeping this blog as another way to hold myself accountable so that I will finish. Plus, I thought it might be fun to chronicle my mood swings and all the irrationality that might spill forth. Expect a melt-down. But don't worry too much--I'm allowed herbal tea as a treat!
Tomorrow morning, we replace our cooked multi-grain, poached eggs, and coffee with a delicious pint of salt water. So this is me, mentally preparing the night before. At least all of this has psyched me out of the food cravings for the time being.
This is my new food pyramid for the next ten days:
Mood: Tense
Matt and I have decided to try The Master Cleanse. It's one of the hip things to do, if you are an L.A. douche bag like ourselves. I had heard other people talk about it and simply scoffed. After all, who doesn't get tired of people talking about their fad diets and "cleanses"? Doesn't the body cleanse itself? Hasn't the human race been around a long time before this trendy desire to "detox"?
I found myself in a predicament when we slated a music video shoot for our feature, 'how the SKY will melt.' I got skinny for the October shoot, but by now I've gained most of it back, and Christmas still stands between us and the shoot. How will I get to where I need to be in three weeks? How will I stop myself from consuming 8.5 million cookies and 7 pounds of butter and cream-laden savories over the holidays? Cue The Master Cleanse. It doesn't have any bad wrap medically, and people we've talked to love it. While we were gathering supplies at Trader Joe's, some employees recognized what we were doing, because they had done it themselves or were still in the process. They were eager to share their experience and wholeheartedly encouraged us to go ahead with it. So why not? Let's juice some lemons and see what happens.
Here's what it is. Basically your only calorie intake comes from a concoction of lemons, real maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. In the morning you pound salt water, and at night you drink a laxative tea. I almost died of embarrassment when I purchased my "smooth move" tea. This is supposed aid the flushing process, as in, get cozy with the bathroom. It's basically ten days of completely cleaning out your digestive system. It sounds like the most un-appealing way to shed pounds that I can think of. However, the results are supposed to be amazing, and you lose your appetite for all of the crap for a while afterward. So it solves my needing to shed the extra peanut butter cups and pumpkin pie, in addition to keeping me in control while we are home for the holidays. So why not give it a go?
I truly do not know if I'm the kind of person that can go 10 days without solid food. I LOVE food. It's not that I eat all that horribly, but I have always been a foodie with a big appetite. Matt and I love trying new things. Food is my comfort and my safe place. Cooking is a passion. Our penchant for cooking shows is no help. When I try to "be good", it puts me in an agonizing emotional roller coaster. I'm so bad at controlling myself, no matter how badly I think I want to. Then I enter the classic cycle of feeling terrible about myself, and you know how it goes.
Come hell or high water, we start tomorrow. I am keeping this blog as another way to hold myself accountable so that I will finish. Plus, I thought it might be fun to chronicle my mood swings and all the irrationality that might spill forth. Expect a melt-down. But don't worry too much--I'm allowed herbal tea as a treat!
Tomorrow morning, we replace our cooked multi-grain, poached eggs, and coffee with a delicious pint of salt water. So this is me, mentally preparing the night before. At least all of this has psyched me out of the food cravings for the time being.
This is my new food pyramid for the next ten days:
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