Re: Disney Princesses with Realistic Waists

So the current trend in the realm of positive body image seems to be attacking... cartoons? Really, people?

Let me start off by reminding everyone that I'm the first defender of realistic expectations for the female body. I hate how we are always comparing ourselves to photoshopped images of models and actors. I've got a flat chest, large thighs, and a big ass. I have a ten inch difference in the measurement of my waist and hips. I never look like the models when I try on clothes. That being said, attacking the way animated characters are drawn is a little pathetic.

Artists draw things that are interesting. Character design is all about playing with proportions and exaggerating things to make them aesthetically interesting and/or funny. Now you tell me which image is more playful and interesting to look at:

I really don't think this creates an expectation that women's hips and waist are supposed to have a 30" difference, but that's just me. I feel like this kind of crap hurts the cause a lot more than it helps it. Attacking character design seems overly defensive and downright petty. Is that what we are going for in this day and age, ladies?

Besides, take a look at Mister Tiny Waist, Buff Shoulders and Arms down here:

Where's the outrage? Is this what your hipster boyfriend looks like, lady bloggers? Probably not. Disney movies aren't real, and they aren't supposed to be real. The animation in the classics is downright beautiful. So let's enjoy some artwork and maybe get over ourselves.

Gone Girl- Terrible

Somebody has to say it- because I'm tired of hearing about it. Gone Girl is a pretentious, preposterous piece of shit. I haven't seen the movie, but I absolutely hated the book upon retrospect. I can't stand hearing the writer congratulating themselves on how this is going to be such a cool movie and how creepy their ending is. That was the subtext of the entire second half of the book. It was completely distracting and I'm not even sure the writer cared about the story so much as how awesome the movie was going to be. Go eat shit. I'm really tired of people praising it, but I'm also not surprised it's a movie starring Ben Affleck. In fact it's exactly what I expected. I found the book to be completely insulting to my intelligence while also so far up it's own asshole it couldn't even come down to earth long enough to see that was totally unbelievable even as a work of literary fiction. Sorry, but I'm not drinking the Koolaid. The fact that people in Hollywood read this and couldn't see how much it was pandering to them is disturbing, or perhaps they did, and in that case- shame on you. You are all part of the problem.

End of Cleanse

Okay, so we finally finished the cleanse on Sunday. Because of everything that's been going on, I didn't really feel like getting on with my petty complaints about detoxing. But I figure I should close it out somehow.

Right now, we feel good. The half-way point was probably the worst. We never did reach that point of feeling clear and enlightened and wonderful or whatever people say they feel while they are cleansing. I think it's safe to say that I will never belong with this crowd, and I will probably never do something like this again. I can't deal with the same flavor for ten straight days. I don't get enough of a high or the right amount of self-satisfaction that the stereotypical health nuts get from depriving themselves of things. I think they gain validation in abstaining. As for me, I believe life is too short to be a crazy vegan health nut, and I also think that many of those people are not as healthy as they think they are.

My biggest complaint was the lack of caffeine in my life. The actual caffeine withdrawal lasted about four days, and after that I just really missed the deliciousness of the coffee and the comfort of the ritual. Matt and I always have a cup after breakfast to start the day. If I'm working early in the morning, it accompanies me on my commute. Coffee is just one of those things. So while some will squawk about caffeine addiction, I'm just not willing to worry about it.

We used to share a bottle of wine almost every night, but we kicked it during the cleanse. Now we will have a glass or two every couple days. I feel a lot better. I've also noticed I'm more inclined to drink the right amount of water every day. I think this is another habit I picked up, for whatever reason, while we were detoxing.

The first chocolate I had tasted AMAZING, but I feel a have a little more self control with the sweets. This shall be put to the test this weekend, when my mom and I bake the most amazing Christmas cookies you've ever seen.

What else? I have a better gauge of how much I need to eat (not nearly as much), and how often I need to eat. Detoxing always makes a person more sensitive to unhealthy things, and that's a big plus for me. The sensation is not quite as much as I expected. All the advice makes it seem like food is going to be this super traumatic thing and that it will take almost a week to get back to your normal eating habits. Matt and I were back to normal in about 3 days. We took probiotics and just went a little at a time. I had some very minor stomach cramping the first day off the cleanse, but that was the only issue. I wish it had been harder, actually. I wish the idea of rich food nauseated me. Oh well. Vegetables and I had a very happy reunion. Hopefully this doesn't all go to waste over the holidays. I plan on enjoying the spread, but maybe this time it can be within reason. This year I can't afford to gain the Christmas weight. Perhaps there's something to do in Idaho besides eat and drink. I guess we'll find out!

Day 5

Mood: Impatient

Many people who have done the Master Cleanse talk a lot about the hunger pangs. We haven't had those. Day 5 and I'm still not hungry. But I'm soooo sick of that lemonade. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather die of hunger than have another glass of it. I miss food. The other thing people talk about are the cravings. They give examples like cheeseburgers, pizza, and ice cream. But all I want is some fish and some brussels sprouts. Or some butternut squash. That doesn't seem so unreasonable, does it? Am I not detoxing and thus not experiencing the detox symptom of wanting disgusting crap? Or am I just not that toxic after all? That's making this seem even harder. I think it would be easier if we were craving things that are bad for us. It's harder to justify turning down lean protein and vegetables.

The tired feeling has lessened. The want for coffee has not. I still feel cranky because I want to cook a nice hot meal for us to sit down for at the end of the day. Not a cold fucking glass of fucking lemonade.

How about that salt water flush taking over my life? Its effect on my body has become less predictable every day, instead of more consistent. Hopefully that problem will resolve itself.

I thought I was in a better mood until I got part way through writing this. Many different articles say that day 5 is usually a vast improvement over days 2, 3, and 4. I seem to still be bitter and cranky. I would love some new flavors in my life.

Half-way through. Word has it that it all gets better from here. We shall see.

Day 3

Mood: Somewhat Positive

The main complaint is our energy level right now, which is something that isn't really talked about, but is apparently a detox symptom. The lack of caffeine and carbs has us feeling somewhat exhausted. This has led me to realize that I'm completely addicted to pasta. We are also realizing that we don't miss certain things that we thought we "needed" every day. Like wine, for instance. I'd like to think that we can live without caffeine, but I just don't think that's our reality. The nature of what we both do has many mental ups and downs throughout the day, and this is very hard to manage without a caffeine or sugar spike. I can live without the sugar, but I think caffeine is very necessary.

That being said, today is a little better than yesterday. We still do not feel hungry. Night time has been the hardest so far, since that is the time we snack. For us, part of the goal of the cleanse was to eliminate this need to snack. I think by the end, we will have it beat.

Our tongues have turned white and fuzzy! Apparently, when they've turned pink and clear, we will know we have successfully detoxed.

The salt water flush, while I'm still psyching myself out right before, was easier to get through today. So while ten days seems long, we are taking it a day at a time and making progress.

It's only Day 2!?

Mood: cranky!

I am already getting pretty sick of this lemonade. It lacks any of the comfort of a meal, and it's the same damn thing all day. I should count my blessings, as I still don't feel at all hungry. In fact I have to remind myself to have the lemonade so I can drink my minimum amount.

The salt water flush was even worse today. It took me a while to emotionally prepare myself for it. I only have to do it 8 more times.

Days 2 and 3 are supposed to be the worst, so I've been telling myself this all day. I don't think I'll ever do this cleanse thing again. The combination of lack of caffeine, not enough sleep all week, and the detox symptoms is making us very tired. The lack of a hot food is making us cranky. Needless to say, morale is low.

The one plus is that I don't have to worry about the health-woes of eating catering on set. I can only have my peppery lemonade!

Ugh. I don't even feel motivated to write. I guess that's all you get for now. I'm waiting to see if we feel better tomorrow.

Master Cleanse Day 1

Mood:  Fine

We are nearing the end of day 1 of The Master Cleanse. I have to say the first day was not as rough as I thought it would be. I am currently drinking a glass of lemonade instead of enjoying a pile of homemade spaghetti, or roasted chicken with caramelized brussels sprouts. While its weird to not sit down to some nice hot food when its meal time, and its also strange not to observe meal time at all, I'm not feeling all that hungry. That's a relief. Also, there's the great benefit of almost no dishes! Yay!

The salt water flush at the beginning of the day involves pounding a quart of water with 2 teaspoons of salt dissolved into it. I know this is going to continue to be the hardest part. It is AWFUL!! For Matt, it's the taste. For me, it's trying to drink a quart of warm water. My stomach started to feel full about 1/4 of the way through, and the fact that the mixture was warm added to the unpleasant sensation. It's not unlike trying to chug soup broth. (Mmmn... soup. Sounds amazing.) It's a terrible, terrible way to start the day. It did do its job though. You have to give yourself a two hour window between drinking it and leaving the house, so that's another annoyance. I like my sleep.

The other thing I'm struggling with today is the lack of caffeine. I'm sooo tired today! I know that will go away in a few days. The lemonade mixture (fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne, and water) isn't terrible. It would be drastically improved with the addition of tequila, but it could be worse. I am grateful for the kick of cayenne, which we've always liked the flavor of anyway. How long we feel this way about our only food remains to be seen.

Its too soon to see any benefits, but so far we aren't suffering. We are 1/10th through this thing. Hopefully we can keep it up.

See you tomorrow! I'll be missing my morning coffee and oats.

The Cleansing

When Life Gave Us Lemons, this is not what it had in mind.

Mood: Tense

Matt and I have decided to try The Master Cleanse. It's one of the hip things to do, if you are an L.A. douche bag like ourselves. I had heard other people talk about it and simply scoffed. After all, who doesn't get tired of people talking about their fad diets and "cleanses"? Doesn't the body cleanse itself? Hasn't the human race been around a long time before this trendy desire to "detox"?

I found myself in a predicament when we slated a music video shoot for our feature, 'how the SKY will melt.' I got skinny for the October shoot, but by now I've gained most of it back, and Christmas still stands between us and the shoot. How will I get to where I need to be in three weeks? How will I stop myself from consuming 8.5 million cookies and 7 pounds of butter and cream-laden savories over the holidays? Cue The Master Cleanse. It doesn't have any bad wrap medically, and people we've talked to love it. While we were gathering supplies at Trader Joe's, some employees recognized what we were doing, because they had done it themselves or were still in the process. They were eager to share their experience and wholeheartedly encouraged us to go ahead with it. So why not? Let's juice some lemons and see what happens.

Here's what it is. Basically your only calorie intake comes from a concoction of lemons, real maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. In the morning you pound salt water, and at night you drink a laxative tea. I almost died of embarrassment when I purchased my "smooth move" tea. This is supposed aid the flushing process, as in, get cozy with the bathroom. It's basically ten days of completely cleaning out your digestive system. It sounds like the most un-appealing way to shed pounds that I can think of. However, the results are supposed to be amazing, and you lose your appetite for all of the crap for a while afterward. So it solves my needing to shed the extra peanut butter cups and pumpkin pie, in addition to keeping me in control while we are home for the holidays. So why not give it a go?

I truly do not know if I'm the kind of person that can go 10 days without solid food. I LOVE food. It's not that I eat all that horribly, but I have always been a foodie with a big appetite. Matt and I love trying new things. Food is my comfort and my safe place. Cooking is a passion. Our penchant for cooking shows is no help. When I try to "be good", it puts me in an agonizing emotional roller coaster. I'm so bad at controlling myself, no matter how badly I think I want to. Then I enter the classic cycle of feeling terrible about myself, and you know how it goes.

Come hell or high water, we start tomorrow. I am keeping this blog as another way to hold myself accountable so that I will finish. Plus, I thought it might be fun to chronicle my mood swings and all the irrationality that might spill forth. Expect a melt-down. But don't worry too much--I'm allowed herbal tea as a treat!

Tomorrow morning, we replace our cooked multi-grain, poached eggs, and coffee with a delicious pint of salt water. So this is me, mentally preparing the night before. At least all of this has psyched me out of the food cravings for the time being.



This is my new food pyramid for the next ten days:

Pens?

I was on a shoot yesterday where I was background for a high school scene. I was pretending to do math with my prop notebook and my own pen. They moved our table out temporarily for a certain shot, and we were sent to holding until the next setup. When I came back to my table, my pen was gone, and someone had written some idiocy in the prop notebook. It was odd because it was done in graceful cursive. Beautifully penned banality- doesn't that just sum up L.A. perfectly?

The point of this story is that my pen was gone. That person stole my pen. MY pen. My FAVORITE pen!! My pilot G-2. The only pen that I like the way it writes. If you are the pen thief and you are reading this, please give me my pen back.

Many people could read this and be like, so what? If you are a server, though, you're much more likely to feel distraught about this. There are never enough pens! The ones you end up with always write crappy. Eventually you develop a system: there are the pens you let other people use, and there are YOUR pens. The one pen that only YOU are allowed to write with. If it goes missing, you will track it down before you shrug it off and figure you'll just find another pen. Working as a server gave me a total pen fetish. The one tool you really need for that job, and it is the hardest to hold on to. Give it to a customer to sign their visa slip- gone. Set it down by the computer- gone. Start with 20 pens, and you are still lucky to have a few left by the end of a busy night. So even now I'm super neurotic about my pens. I need to have more than one that I enjoy writing with. I need to know where they are. I have a separate pen I loan out to my fellow extras. All of this was realized yesterday after my favorite pen (the other one disappeared last week) was stolen. I was seriously upset about it and was suddenly 30% less invested in what was going on on set. Not saying this is normal or healthy. When everything is going wrong, we have little things we cling to. I guess a small portion of my sanity was attached to the pen that was pleasant to write with and made my handwriting look nice. So for Christmas, I would like 30 pilot G-2s so I can sort through them and come up with 10 that write perfeclty.

On that note, if everyone is always stealing pens (purposefully or not), why doesn't anyone ever have a pen? Where the eff are all of the pens? If we're constantly taking and having our pens taken, no one should ever have to buy a package of pens again. They should be circulating like currency. So where are they? Does anyone know? Does Stephanie Schwartz have all of the world's pens? Is there some crazy cat burglar for pens who goes home after each night of thievery and jumps into the piles and piles of pens kept in his walk-in safe? Do Bic and Papermate have people who go out and steal the pens so we'll keep buying them?

Should I post this and let the world see that I'm the kind of person who writes multiple paragraphs about my pen being stolen? Apparently so.

Every year, an average of 100 people choke to death on a ball point pen. This is allegedly an accident. I think not. "You want to take my pen, you son of a bitch? Here! How do you like my pen now!?"
I couldn't remember the number on this statistic, so I googled it. I typed in "people choke to death" and the first thing that popped up was this statistic.

< /banality>

The Fame

Getting paid to hang out in the background on camera. A hilarious parody of a job and the easiest money anyone could ever make. Free food, free coffee; zero responsibility. If you're close enough, sometimes you get to watch the process. Anyone can work as an extra, as long as you don't look like a creature from 300. Even if you did, you would probably still work occasionally. You don't need any skills; you don't need a resume. There's no reason to have any ego about it because anyone could do it. That being said, I've never in my life encountered so many divas and douche bags.

We all know that the more people are in a group, the dumber the collective becomes. Controlling them is only slightly easier than herding cats. Cats are a little more cooperative than extras, though. They have to be shushed every thirty seconds, they're always wandering around when they aren't supposed to be, and they get cranky when their every whim isn't met. Then they have the gall to turn around and complain that they're being treated like children or animals. If you want to be treated like an adult, how about ACT LIKE ONE!? The sense of entitlement is appalling. These people are worse than the actual actors on set. All they do is bitch about everything all day long. The food wasn't good enough, the hours are too long, the bathroom is too small, they deserve the same stuff as the crew and talent. Give me a break. If you were such an asset, you'd be making more than minimum wage and people would call you by your name instead of "lady in purple, yeah, you."

A little-known fact: Doing audience work or background does not mean you're the next Megan Fox. There's usually not such a thing as "getting discovered". You have to do a little more work to get to that level. If it were that easy, everyone in L.A. would be famous. And that doesn't make much sense, does it?

The favorite topic of discussion among most of these people is themselves and their "accomplishments". Oh, you worked on Transformers? So did 450 other people. Your friends from Nowhere, Colorado are impressed, but everyone else knows it doesn't mean anything. I don't want to hear your thoughts on the difference of directing styles between Clint Eastwood and Michael Bay because you don't know shit. Hanging out on set doesn't qualify you as some sort of expert or movie veteran. You are told what to do and where to stand by some nobody, and you're lucky if you can even figure out which one the director is. That's how much contact you have with the people at the top of the ladder. Yes, it's exciting to see celebrities, but it sure would make their job easier if you would stop staring at them like a slack-jawed yokel. Talk to your family back home. They think it's exciting. Leave me alone. I think you're a loser.

I'm a loser right now too, but I don't act like I'm God's gift to the industry. That's the difference.

Beautiful and Dirty Rich

When I drive around LA, I insist on listening to Lady Gaga. I have a hard time listening to anything else. She is my driving music. Always. Nothing else does the trick. I've finally figured out why that is. Completely subconsciously, it helps me visualize the fantasy of leading a completely different kind of LA lifestyle. One of success and glamour. My 2010 Corolla handles like a sports car, so I can pretend I have the need for speed. I can pretend I'm on my way to somewhere that is both awesome and important. I'm successful and in-demand. I have places to go; people to see. I look and feel amazing, and this isn't the same outfit, purchased three years ago, that I wear to almost every gig. I definitely have more than two outfits suitable for work. I'm always on the run, but I own this town. Then I park my car, make my way to whatever studio lot I'm due at, and stand in line to wait for instruction for 8 dollars an hour. Hopefully, more than six hours will go by before they feed us so we can get an 8 dollar meal bump. I hope the wardrobe person doesn't get cranky with me again because my clothes are wrinkled and I don't have a proper garment bag.

But while I'm in the car, that all goes away. I'm Sara Lynch, and that sure as hell means something. (yeah, I'm your hooker)